her vagine was all disorganized.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
