Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
