Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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