Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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