I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
