i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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