Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
