was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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