oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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