There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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