i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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