I'm sorry my penis didn't work
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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