The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
