I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
