forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
