I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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