you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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