I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
