I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
