Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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