That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
