I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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