I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize