How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
