guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
