you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
