areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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