id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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