the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
