they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize