Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
