he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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