I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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