If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
