Tell her she can't have a vagina
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
