Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
