when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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