y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
