She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
