Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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