You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
