dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
