Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
