I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
