I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
