I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
