There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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