This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
