I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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