Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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