hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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