Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
