our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
