I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
