i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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