worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
