You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
