We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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