Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
