My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
