so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
