I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize