after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
