im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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