also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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