when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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