Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
