when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
