Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
