Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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