Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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