Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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