So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
