3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
