Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
