worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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