What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
