You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
