well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
