she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
