I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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