just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
