Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
