i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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