Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
