She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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