I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
