at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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